On the path for finding more happiness? Who isn’t? On my way to finding it, I discovered many lessons and many people. However, the biggest lessons I discovered are shared below. You see I found it’s not about receiving more. Don’t get me wrong, I love to manifest and find great satisfaction when I achieve or receive something that elevates my purpose or just brings great joy and satisfaction and pleasure. What I will share here is the notion of releasing things. Yup, the shear act of releasing actually made me happier. So i set out to test this very thing on my clients, on multiple stages that were filled with empowering speakers and people seeking ways to level up in business or in life. I’ve shared it at masterminds, seminars and at my diva glamping retreats. I still share it on webinars and with everyone who does my online programs, like “30 Day Healthy Habit reset.”. The 14 principles you are about to read have checked out each time, without fail and have provided impact and life changing improvements. I hope it does this for you or you share it with someone who needs it today!
I know many who actually pick up and move seeking happiness. They change jobs or partners seeking to feel better. Truth is, moving isn’t practical and the same common denominator will mostly likely move with you— yourself. Upon asking some of my million dollar lifestyle coaching questions, or filling out my “FLOW DECODER” much is instantly reveals. What turned out to be true, 100% of the time, might surprise you as much as it did me.
I can often be heard sharing that Iam GRATEFUL for hitting rock bottom. No, Iam not a self sabotaging soul, nor did I ever want to feel the way I felt from October 2009 through January 12th 2010. Hitting rock bottom taught me MANY lessons and ultimate inspired my path to be a lifestyle coach, incorporating my 30 years of fitness training, coaching and competitions, with holistic health and science-proven, mind strengthening techniques.
Iam THAT person who always believes things will get better. I seek the silver lining in all circumstances, but that time things were different in my life. I just couldn’t seem to get happy. I felt hopeless and without a solution. One thing changed my whole perspective.
There were MANY things that turned my life around, however there was a beginning to how I changed the way I felt. THIS has inspired me to share it with others. I kept digging deeper to find MY TRUE HAPPY PLACE and search for research to show you too how to find your happy place. I want people to know the pain or challenge is temporary, although it may feel like it is just how it’s going to be— forever. I felt like it was never going to end, unless I ended it. Somehow I lost my will during the last 90 days of 2009, Somewhere I lost my fight. And nothing was going to bring my joy ever again. I was devastated, destroyed and DONE! And then, I found the one thing that would change it all.
I don’t take what Iam about to share with you lightly, however, I feel as though sharing it might help one other person who feels the way i felt. This is the first time Iam putting this on writing. although I will keep this part of the message brief, I will share it more fully in my soon to be release book called, “NOURISH,” which shares HOW TO find the missing puzzle pieces in your life and HOW TO activate the strategies to achieve a better, happier & healthier epic life!
So dumping the adversary, conflicting and incongruent nouns (people, places & things) in your life is a great place to start today, like now. The number one thing that changed me from feeling hopeless to hopeful was gratitude. It wasn’t easy, because I truly felt unable to find anything to be grateful for, and then it all changed. I was so very grateful that I had three amazing girls. Although they had no idea what was going on or how weak and desperate I was feeling, I knew they needed me and that I too wasn’t done learning from them and needed them. You can read more about the major changes I have since been blessed to experience in my blogs in bits and pieces or in my book (you can preorder here).
Here are 20 bits of sage advice, I’d like to share on HOW TO release things that don’t serve you on your highest, keep weighing you down and definitely don’t contribute to experiencing an epic life. Maybe you’ll try one or two out, pass it on or even comment and tell me how it worked or something that you’ve don’t to release one of those adversary nouns. Thanks and namaste.
1) Give up blaming others.
Taking responsibility is one of those character traits that truly can change your life! It’s easy to make excuses, shame or blame others for things that go wrong or that you didn’t do.
2) Stop saving for a rainy day.
Create new experiences and memories. Do something extraordinary for yourself. Create a “LIFE LIST” (aka: Bucket list). Set dates to things you want to do an do them!
3) Stop being the strongest one in the room.
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it actually gives someone else a chance to feel blessed and help you. People need each other. Let others be a supporter of you.
4) Don’t be the reflection others want to see.
Be yourself. Stop trying to be someone that you’re not, just to impress others. When you stop and embrace the real you, people will be impressed.
5) Release the past.
Most of us don’t have a magic 8 ball that can tell us what to do, when and how. Many of us think we should have done things differently and walk around with blame and shame for skeletons in our closet. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. The most amazing, freeing thing will happen when you let go and let God! The old cliche is so true, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
6) Lose the negative self talk.
We all hear it. THAT voice of question. Get the tools that will help you shut the chatter and dispose of the chaos that spins out of control. Change the channel and listen to the playlist of great stuff about you.
7) Give up styles that don’t suit you.
Embrace your uniqueness. Dress to impress yourself and be your own brand ambassador.
8) Give up comparing yourself to others.
Don’t compare. No one is perfect and you have no idea the struggles others face on a daily basis.
9) Hit the DELETE BUTTON on people that aren’t a fan.
Spending time with people who don’t make you happy is just a mistake. There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with a friend. There’s no rule that says you have to be friends forever.
10) Stop saying yes, when you mean no!
Learn to say no. It may be hard in the beginning, but with each repeat experience, saying no gets easier and easier. Stop trying to please everyone.
11) Get of the diet rollercoaster.
Give up the idea that eating healthy means you will turn into a rabbit. Healthy food can be fun, interesting and delicious. Look at my 30 Day Healthy Habit Reset for some inspiring ways to change up your D.I.E.T.- questioning yourself “Did I Eat That?”
12) Stop stumbling on the notion of failing.
Failure is a the part of life that elevates us to learning and being better. It’s more than okay to fail. Be the one you admire most and dust yourself off and go for plan B or plan number 118! Stepping stones are made so you can aspire hirer!
13) Remove yourself from the “sale” rack.
Realize and accept your true value. Don’t settle and accept the minimum of what you think you deserve.
14) Stop assuming what someone else means.
Learn to ask questions, simple and non-threatening questions. It’s amazing how we can take apart circumstance and twist it into someone’s intention … and be completely incorrect. You know what happens when you assume? Yup, you make an ass of you and me!
15) Check out at 5pm.
Keep work at the office and create time for your creative self. When is the last time you did something crazy different and fun. Do you like to paint, bowl, hike, travel? Create space and time to do something you truly love.
16) Turn off the electronics.
Get outside. Read a book. Sleep. There are so many things that are stealing our precious time. Each day only comes once in a lifetime. The most precious commodity besides yourself is your time. Don’t waste it.
17) Stop lying to yourself.
Iam referring to affirmations. When we state something that is not congruent to where we are we eternalize it as a lie. Take for example you want to lose weight, and you state, “I am skinny.” When you glance in the mirror you don’t feel happy because what you said was not the truth. Replace affirmations with a phrase that is congruent, like, “I am ready to be thin and healthy.” This new reframing works wonders! Try it on.
18) Stop and smell the roses
Celebrate along the way to achieving the big goal. Savoring the little joys, or wins in your daily life increases self-esteem and may even protect against negative emotions, creating a buffer against stress. Enjoying the little details of your daily life, taking time for a unique pleasure or a moment of beauty, and allowing yourself to fully appreciate even the bittersweet moments. You might want to create a “happiness album” of pleasurable memories. Peruse whenever you need a little lift.
19) Remove the frown.
This is by far one of the BIGGEST things that changed my life and brought me back into a space of happiness in 2010! I started by listing things I was grateful for in my life. Then, I started telling people who impacted my life that I was grateful to them and for the specific things they did for me. I send thank-you messages and daily end my day with giving gratitude to those in prayer who helped me, made me smile or did something for someone else. Gratitude is a great antidote to anger and bitterness. Try it now! Write down three to five things you are grateful for. Did it make your feel happier? Look in the mirror as you state the things you are grateful for… i bet a smile came out!
20) Don’t hold onto a grudge.
I could have easily placed this one first on my list. It’s actually the first thing my clients undertake during coaching and finds it’s way into conversations and workshops at my retreats. Forgiveness can be tough. It is personal, subjective and can elicit esteem emotional connections. However, research shows, people who can forgive generally have higher self-esteem, experience more joy and happiness in their lives. You can learn and practice the act of forgiveness by writing a letter (even if you don’t send it) or imagining what it would be like to forgive someone in person, even if they are no longer on this planet. The hardest person to forgive is usually ourselves. If you are experiencing trouble with this idea, feel free to schedule a session with me so I can help you with specific tools that will help you release. Being a forgiver leads to a more epic life.
20) Stop making yourself the last one!
Start making yourself a non-negotiable! Your body, mind and soul will thank you… and trust me— everyone else will too, because they will learn by your actions. Are you drinking or eating too much? Do you need to work out? Your body is always talking to you, are you listening? You’ll be happier if you do.
21) Stop telling yourself you hate exercise or don’t have time.
Got 17 minutes? Regular movement is essential, crucial and critical if you want to feel happier. Exercise is a proven method for preventing or managing negative emotions because of the physiological effects it has on your body. YUP! Happy hormones dance with delight as you move and have lasting effects. Have you heard of the term, “endorphin junkie?” One study found that short aerobic workouts done three to five times a week cut depressive symptoms by 50 percent in young adults. A meta-analysis published in the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews even found that exercise is moderately more effective than a control intervention for reducing symptoms of depression. Try my 17 Minute Metabolic Workout. People love it, and say, “who can’t make 17 Minutes 4-6 times a week?” You must make yourself a non-negotiable asset. Schedule it in, as if it were a money-making appointment asa stick to it!